The Dark past present future

 I found myself considering the thoughts of my youth, and comparing them to the words circling the conscious stream of ideas around the globe. Darkness, the dark side, the monster, demon and horror movie inside each of us is supposed to be accepted and integrated before we can be free as individuals seeking inner peace or enlightenment. I was asked about my past thoughts and tried to explain where I was when I was writing the horrible thoughts down to share with anyone who was bored enough to read them.

There was once a time when I was a smiling, happy go lucky guy who tried to bring a smile to everyone I met, but the stream of ideas passing through were full of death and destroying life. I enjoyed challenging myself to be the most grotesque and horrible writer around. The image of a calm and funny writer of gruesome stories, famed for his dark words was my driving force; I would let others read a story and laugh at their response. I was called a monster more than once, I was thrilled, but I was devastated if they lost sight of the happy sprite standing outside the dark words. Interestingly, I just remembered that there were a lot of goofy writings given out, alnost all of which have been lost or destroyed because I didn't think of making a copy for my records.

While trying to explain the darkness of my past I had to consider where it fits in today. During a certain time I thought about and wrote of killing everyone and everything that I loved, I not only embraced it, I tried to perfect writing it for the world to read. I shared the energy and wrapped myself in in the dark as playfully as one could. Then a change occurred and like a switch flipping, I realized that I no longer wanted to share the images of destruction, so I turned to creation and became a different kind of writer. I would write of turning to the light, and embracing the wonder of existence, all the while darkness continued to run around from time to time.

Fortunately for me, I was accustomed to that darkness and let it play out like watching a movie, but kept it for myself, because there was enough destruction in the world without my helping it. Over time I learned about balance between the light and the dark, and realized that everyone has both within. So, I began writing of how one can be most at ease in existence through the gentle acceptance of each within themselves. The image of a smooth dance through time, as one glides down the path of their being. A dance that allows the dancer to step into the shadow gently and then spin into a ray of light; all without stumbling out too far in either direction, keeping to a narrow and balanced path.

In this mindset I have lived, a stream of love pouring through me towards the whole of it all. Knowing that I have the capacity to be so destructive or wonderfully creative in what I share with the world, because I still see it all within me. But I do not assume that either side should be the the whole of my life or expression of thought. The words flying around today speak of the dark night of the soul and recognizing the darkness within before one can reach enlightenment or peace. But we need not be too outlandish as we walk our paths, we can gently sway in our inner mental dance, allowing ourselves to see how we are both the light and the dark. We need not dive head first and lose our selves to either side, in fact we may remain in better mental health if we take it slow and easy on our way to understanding the balance that is within.

In looking back over the mental games that I have played with myself and those around me, I see the layers of pain that I poured out by diving head first into the destructive side of my thoughts. I wonder over what it would have taken for the younger me to have accepted the concept of balance through a gentle sway, rather than the wide pendulum swing that I allowed. I am still full with destructive thoughts, as well as thoughts of salvation for all, but I remind myself to remain steady as I walk my path. Hopefully leaving a good set of tracks that others may follow if they choose, because if they do, then I foresee an ever growing joy in just being for all.

I leave you with this image for mental play. The demons chase me as I run down the darkened corridor, my heart pounding and my footsteps giving voice to my fear. The darkness before me gives way to a wall and I realize this is the end of my run. I turn, shaking and crying as they fall upon me and begin ripping at my mind and flesh. Fear is all I know, until a snap brings forth a memory of love for experience; I open my hands, let down my guard and remember that I am more than what they see before their eyes. I spread out, recognize myself as the walls, the corridor, the body shrinking as they pull it apart, and I am the demons. I take it all and embrace every portion with love, I eat the experience and as it moves to my belly I think of Kronos eating his children. But unlike Kronos, I no longer fear my own destruction; I seek growth in understanding for all. Join me as we embrace our own layers and the multiple sides of what being is.

Love,

PEACE