It starts and stops from within

As of late, I have been thinking about a friend whose brother committed suicide and how their last conversation left my friend with a sense of responsibility. It made me think of the human condition and how much energy it takes to actually choose to stop being a person, then following through with that choice. I had contemplated the act many times as a young man between the ages of 15 and 25, but to actually commit to the act was a different level that I could not reach. Despite the awful experiences many people face and the sadness they feel at times, it is still an extremely difficult move to follow through with taking that action. 

The act of suicide is never a split second decision, it is something that has been worked up to and it is a final move against the opponent that sits within your own mind. It seemed that my friends brother had an inner enemy which was a memory of abuse and the frustrations that would follow him up to his decision to stop facing that enemy living in his mind; an enemy that was being instigated because the abuser was trying to physically come back into his life. As an outside observer looking backwards after time revealed the problems the brother faced, I could see how within his mind there was a chain of experiences and choices that led him to the last move, and that my friend did not have enough psychological knowledge to understand the depth of the issues. 

We all go through life, and we all have problems that we must face in varying degrees, and we have many tools to take on the battles. What I have gone through in my life has brought me to believe that the soul is taking on experiences through the body, and how the depth of connection that the body and mind allows or does not allow to the soul has an effect on a person’s ability to deal with life's experiences. I see the soul as an energy that has the power to carry the human mind and heart through anything, but people will turn from that source of energy and towards the darkness they feel they deserve for any given reason. I know personally how that battle can be very hard to overcome, and it takes time and self-motivation for many of us to get back to a place where we can forgive ourselves for our lack of action or wrong choices in our past, but in forgiving ourselves we can often find the path that leads to forgiving others for their wrong doings. My friends brother had not reached that point of turning back to that power, I can only imagine that he was wallowing in his own darkened mind; and it was the choice to not turn to the uplifting energy that is available to all of us from within that was a major portion of the cause to make the decision to completely give up. 

It is an internal decision to turn from every form of help, some people even go through the motions of seeking help by seeing a doctor or talking to a counselor, but it is inside that a person must choose to make the change. If a person talks about their problems but does not find a way to change their inner perspective, then nothing anyone can say or do will alter that persons action. We are living our individual lives and we can easily feel so alone in these minds. When someone chooses to take their own life we must understand that the choice was one they made despite how much anyone wanted to or tried to help. So many of us face horrible experiences from our past, and it is something within that keeps one person alive and moving through it all while another finds the deepest despair. How do they find the energy?

You cannot fix anyone, the individual must choose their own path, but sharing your love and kindness may at least give a person in despair a glimmer of hope. My own darkest time was turned around when I made one decision, it was as simple for me as accepting that there was more to me and the world than just the physical presence. OK, not that simple, but choosing to look for that deeper level of existence pulled me out of my own envelope of darkness and into a space that softly glowed with beautiful shadows dancing around to enhance the colors. For years my wife had tried to make me see the beauty of being, and although nothing she said would change me, I allowed her love to keep nudging me through the darkness I embraced so deeply. Then I made the choice on my own and from taking the first step to finding that I no longer wanted to die was not just a days work, but that first step brought me up so high that I had a lot more trouble going back to that mindset of giving up. I am certain that when I turned to face my soul that it picked me up just enough to allow me to get over the remaining obstacles. I still had to lift myself and move, but there seemed to be more energy available to me than ever before. My book, Where Faith Can Grow is the recording of my thoughts and ideas up to and during that change, writing my thoughts helped me to first release my dark feelings and then to better understand the changes I was going through. Though it may not be the path everyone takes, I know that there is a source of power available to each of us and there is a way for each of us to make a choice to accept that energy and to move with new power through life.

Love,

PEACE