Weak at the knees



I am so often angered by my own mind, I expect a lot from my conscious self and fall short daily.  My heart knows the love of God, but my brain allows fear and lack of faith to trip me up on my search for certainty in understanding.  I cringe at the thought of not trusting God, and then I see that faith is off at a distance while I shiver in fear like a child.  How do I overcome this human inconsistency?  
I want too much!  So often that thought runs through my head, and it is true, I think I do desire a lot much more than is allowed.  But then I consider the rule book, I remember that God is all I have and human desire is only as destructive as you allow it to rule your being.  I then thank God for every ounce of my desire and move back towards faith in the gifts of love I have been given.  
Love itself is a confounding game, it has been wound into a rope with other cords.  Cords like lust, jealousy, frustration and so many other pitfalls that attempt to bind you up and weaken your love.  This life brings so many challenges, and it is hard to overcome the physical issues of this reality let alone the inner battles that go on.  However, I have found that by overcoming the inner battles first, we are all the more fit and prepared to overcome the physical restraints of life.  Mental freedom that is connected to your heart will break all the chains, and unlock all the doors that really matter.  Many people have found freedom inside a jail cell, and there are many minds trapped inside inner prisons while there bodies walk free.  Knowing a love, first within and for yourself that can grow to the edges of understanding, that is a step towards freedom that can never be taken away.  
Our love can be trapped by our forgetfulness and desires, our physical body can be bound from without as well as from within; but when we remember who we are, that we are worthy of love and are forever forgiven, then we a find freedom within that is always waiting for us to grasp it.  Fear is part of what we are, but it cannot control us when we move in faith, that is bound in love.  Where we put our faith determines just how free we are.  When I am living in my own faith, it stretches far beyond what I understand, and still I flounder for my next insight.  But it is that faith, filled with love for all that is available to me that gives me freedom to live a life full of promise.  The promise of a light heart through all the problems I ever face, for as long as I hold my faith closer than my fear.  
Love, 
PEACE

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