I want to die...no, not any more

I have been trying to figure out how to consciously move from this reality into a dream reality, and have found that letting go of the breathing human form is rather difficult.  Trying to consciously forget that you are the body breathing in the bed so that you can become the body moving in another world seems to be one of the greatest challenges of my mind.  Then I am reminded that part of the reason I may be having trouble stepping into another land in such a way is the state of consciousness called soul that is the connecting point between the two places.  And as many of you may have found, it is really hard for a human mind to be actively aware of its soul self.  It is like we have a blockade in place that keeps us from knowing anything on the other side of our brain.  My own brain has the goal of stepping through that blockade in a peaceful movement in acceptance of the connection that has always been there.  
From that point we can see that we are not the puppet that we as a human may think we are.  Many popular movies depict us as puppets or pawns unto some demonic figure, but that is a misrepresentation of existence as a whole.  We humans are puppets unto our own souls, and as that we are love pouring into life.  At the level of human we spend our years of childhood forgetting the connection and become deeply immersed in the body, forgetting even the love and putting our desires before every thing and every one.  It is hard to remember that we are so much more than these bodies, and even as we start to realize the separateness and incompleteness of the human form we humans start to feel so insignificant that we become self destructive.  In my youth I dreamed of the dark void, I believed in that idea so much that I decided to die by forty.  I am now forty six, but I was so sure that we were nothing, little blips of absolute nothing, so why not just let it go.  Lucky for the forty one year old me, I was given the gift of patience and at twenty, instead of just taking my own life, I decided to definitely die and go to the black void, but not for another twenty years.  
Now twenty six years later, I am still seeking release from the body, but not permanent, just long enough to have a thousand years worth of dreams every nap and then come back to share my experiences with anyone who wants to hear the stories.  Being able to be conscious of who you are at every level of the game does often take years, and I am a billion years away from reaching that point.  But now, way far away from that disrespectful young man I was, I see the point and joy of choosing to stick it out.  I see my soul sitting just outside my inner view, I know I am more than this body, and I know I have been given a gift of great experience through this body I have decided to not just throw away.  
We are each so much more than what we understand on the human level, we are so much more than useless blips on a gigantic screen.  We are each a gift, to experience and live through; despite all the challenges, we are supposed to live through it and love it.  In loving it we will see the joy in helping other people love it just as much as we do.  There is so much for us to learn, and seeing ourselves as a useless speck, that is truly part of the developmental process as we grow into understanding ourselves as something more.  Not everyone will go through that feeling, but if you do, know that it is for just a moment, even if that moment takes almost twenty years like it did for me.  
Love, 
PEACE